THE BEGINNING - Explaining the parents  

Posted by Kim Payne

My parents were strict.  More than strict, they were concerned about control. Control over me, especially.

I don't really know if this was a sign of the times or just because my parents were control freaks.  (truthfully it's probably more of the latter).  As an adult I began referring to them as Bob and Gwen (their first names) rather than dad and mom because it gave me an odd sense of freedom from their heavy "thumb".  Trust me, it will make for a far more entertaining story to hear them referred to as Bob and Gwen.

Gwen was a spoiled little girl growing up.  She came from a financially comfortable family and was the apple of her father's eye. She worshiped her father, (my beloved grandfather) Joe. She and her mother, my lovely grandmother Mimi, were very close as well. According to Joe's stories, when Gwen was growing up, she never got a spanking - instead she was taken behind a shed and Joe would bend her over his knee and slap his own hand and Gwen would howl and express remorse for whatever wrongdoing she had done.  Humm....well, it makes for a good story and apparently Gwen believed it in the retelling.  Regrettably, very little of Joe's techniques about sensitive punishments came through her as a mother...

Bob came from a poor family of 8 boys and one girl and he was the youngest. Growing up in the depression with a gloomy distant father and German mother with a heavy accent must have had its challenges.  His older brothers raised him and they remained close as adults. Bob was in the Navy for two tours and rarely would talk about his experiences while on a destroyer during WW II.  Soon after discharge, he met Gwen, and it was love at first sight.  They married within a year and were still on their honeymoon when Bob died.  They were devoted to each other, to the exclusion of all others.  Including the kids.

 

Bob, a self made successful businessman (with only a high school education), worked hard all his life and he (and his teachings) will be most of the focus of this blog.

He was colorful to say the least.  He was very vocal about his beliefs.  He was determined that his children follow his rules which according to him were the only right way to live.  He was harsh and strict yet when you would least expect it, he could be kind and understanding.  Sloth and playing inside on a sunny day was verboten.  Watching TV during the daylight hours?  Unheard of!

THE BEGINNING - Learning your place  

Posted by Kim Payne


I grew up as a baby boomer in the 50's and 60's in a small town in Southern California.  If you have ever watched "Leave it to Beaver" or "Father Knows Best" on late night TV reruns, you will know what my family life was like.  I had a reasonably happy childhood with strict parents, a brother (Mark) who is 2 years older than I, and an annoying baby sister (Kathy) who is 8 years younger (surprise babies were far more common in those days!)  LOL.

My parents were very happily married which set a great example for all of us.  They had us believe that they were united in everything (as an adult I now know that could not really have been possible, but I never saw any strife between them, no disagreements, no raised voices between them and no obvious arguments).  I know, I know...it's impossible to believe but that was the norm for our home.  

Of course we were kids and oblivious to lots of things.  We also were sheltered from quite a bit.  The times were so different then.  I remember when I was 8, both my brother and I were not allowed to watch "Gunsmoke" (the old Western TV series, then on at Sunday night at 9 PM).  It was deemed far too adult and violent for us.  I know that seems hilarious today, but it was the norm then.  By being denied that particular show, we did not grow up watching people shoot each other nor punch each other (or their parents), and of course, the "shocking" hint of a relationship with Matt and Kitty would have been completely over our heads.

I admit; we were sheltered.  But it was a good thing- we grew up to become peaceful and respectful adults who to this day would not dream of claiming someone "disrespected" us.  We were too focused on giving respect to our elders, as demanded by our parents.